I have been trying to figure out ways to drop hints in "queer" or "inclusive women's" spaces that I'd like to find or even establish a modest female-only hangout option. I have no idea what words to use which won't send up red flags. But which will maybe help me find the women who can give me the secret password.
My only two friends are a transman and a transwoman, both also disgusted by queer gender ideology. They sympathize and try to help me come up with words to use to "find" the women. We practice phrases. We brainstorm. There's always some way a queer activist might out me as a terf. In my former city, I was banned from the female-only community when the leader of the festival decided she didn't like me. I may never know what I did to offend her. I am detrans, and often worry that the effects of testosterone make me seem less trustworthy to other women. Maybe this is why she banned me. It was devastating. That community was all the hope I had left. Another woman I spoke to online tells me that this is becoming more common, that the few remaining female-only events are becoming paranoid under the threat of transactivist violence. To the point where actual women seeking female safe spaces are unable to find them or mistakenly filtered out. So I moved across the country and here I am trying to figure out how to carefully and discreetly hint that I would like to spend time with women. I have to tiptoe around homophobes and misogynists INSIDE the "lgbt" community. Fearing that if I screw up here too, I will have to move again. Since then I've told no one my story, or my desires, or my hopes. Only my two trans friends know that I am attracted to women only, and that I don't believe in gender theory, and that I long for women's community and solidarity and companionship. They sympathize, but of course they can't meet this need. |
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